7/15/2025 - Big Life Update

I'm actually going nuts! In a good way! I think.

I don't even know where to start with this blogpost, so much has happened that I didn't write about on here, I took a little break due to personal reasons but I am back and I reeeeeally just need to talk about all this to someone, even if it's just posting it on here!

Okay so, let's begin: for the past month I have been studying abroad in Berlin! I was so terrified to do this, but I can confidently say now that this has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. The thought of studying abroad never really occurred to me until last year, not sure why, but I did realize that this was going to be a once in a lifetime opportunity, so I went for it.

This program is completely unrelated to game design, but I really wanted to study abroad, and the only two programs that fit with my schedule were Italy and then Berlin, so I opted for Berlin. My goal with this study abroad is to spend a long time in another country and really immerse myself in the culture, because when am I ever going to be able to take 3 months off of my real career to go travel the world? I was super scared when I left the US, and I was frankly almost dreading study abroad because I knew it'd be a huge lifestyle change and a big culture shock for me. After a few days, however, I got adjusted, and I am perfectly comfortable here. I love Berlin. I leave Berlin this weekend to go travel around Europe for the next month and a half. I'm actually sad to be leaving Berlin, I've grown to really enjoy the city and I don't exactly want to leave it behind.

But that's not the main reason I don't want to leave...

I don't think I've spoken much on here about my romantic life, but let's just say it has not been that exciting! Many dates over the years, but nothing ever really stuck. I switched my Hinge location to Berlin about a month before I arrived here. Why? I don't really know. Perhaps I was getting sick of Philly men and wanted to see what Germany had to offer. But my God I didn't think it would lead to this.

I matched with a couple of guys, we chatted a bit but it was nothing special. Dropped that pretty quick haha. The first day I got to Berlin, I was jetlagged as fuck, and was lying on my bed scrolling through Hinge for shits and giggles. And low and behold, a fucking beautiful man pops up on my screen! To my great surprise, we actually matched, and we began chatting a bit and quickly set a date. Within the first thirty minutes or so of the date I could really feel the energy between us, we just clicked. Which never happens on first dates! Anyways, we've been seeing eachother very often ever since, and I have enjoyed every minute we've spent together. But I don't know what the fuck happens now.

Like I said, I'm leaving Berlin in a few days, and I have no idea what's going to happen between us. I really like this guy, and I don't think I can say goodbye just like that. I'm gonna see him right before I leave back for America at the end of next month, and he says he will come visit me in the United States in the fall. Which is awesome, I really, really hope he does. But shit, we haven't had that real "discussion" about what is going to happen between us, and I am absolutely dreading it, as I am terrified he will say we should split things up. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, I just need to talk to him! And I will, but I am just a worrier.

But we're both very young, I would almost feel guilty tying him down to some sort of long-distance thing if he's going to be miserable. I mean, I won't be miserable, I've been without a relationship for a very very long time, and I can be by myself quite comfortably. But I don't know if he can. It'll be discussed soon, but fuck I am worried. Why did my romantic life have to find success in another country???

So that's it from me for now. I'll leave Berlin in a few days and be off on my travels, I will most likely post at some point before I head back home. I've got quite a summer ahead of me it seems.