3/27/2025 - Passed Over Again

I'm trying not to wallow for too long.

A couple weeks ago, I received a text letting me know that I was not picked by my friend to run for a leadership position with her as her running mate for our student organization. She approached me a few months ago and asked if I was interested, and I was very excited, and of course responded positively. When I got that text I was truly upset, and then I learned that the person who was chosen as her running mate was my closest friend in the org. Which, all in all, I am truly happy for her, just upset at my own rejection and I guess a little jealous of my friend as well.

I have a terribly bad habit of dreaming too big. I am a pessimist at heart (and this situation vindicated me it seems), but there is a part of my heart that, no matter how dire the situation, will continue to dream ridiculously big. On my walks to work, in the shower, while I'm cooking meals: I think of what I'd like to see in my life. Ever since I was asked about running for this position a few months ago, I had been dreaming about that becoming a reality. I imagined myself getting the position, imagined how proud I would feel, and I imagined telling my friends and celebrating with them. This last school term was just so truly stressful: my classes were very difficult, my professors were not great, and I had a few big romantic failures that upset me quite a bit. To add on top of that, it was winter! Cold and grey, and depressing as all hell! It was just a rough few months to get through, and this little dream of mine to get this position was, to me, realistic: I was already asked to run for the position, and it appeared I wouldn't have any opponents, so it was practically guaranteed! And so I dreamt.

So to have this dream just crushed unexpectedly in a literal instant with nothing more than a text message: that sucked! And it still does. Perhaps I am making too big a deal out of this, and perhaps it's not that serious. I think there's truth to both those statements, but I also think I am allowed to be sad about this for a bit. I think this just gets under my skin a little bit more than usual because I am a tad bit sensitive to being passed over or rejected. When applying to colleges, I, yet again, dreamed big, and didn't achieve what I wanted! And that hurt, as it felt like these schools looked at me and said no. That stuck with me for a long time, and frankly part of me still feels sad about the way it went. For a similar thing to happen now, where I dream big, and am personally passed over, that certainly hurts.

I'll get over it, as I do with everything. I'm just discouraged for now. Hopefully with the nicer weather and a refreshed mind from spring break, I'll be able to rebound quickly and get back to my usual hard working self.